Stepfamily Life
Narratives: Spouses Describe the Relationships With
Ex-Spouses as Part of Stepfamily Life
I just had no idea that his former wife would be so involved in our
lives. My husband is afraid of what she might tell the children so he
allows her to dictate our schedule. I feel like his former wife is the other
woman in our marriage.
Jenny described the big shift in the divorced family dynamic which
occurred this last Christmas. Jenny is now living with a man and this
was to be their fi rst Christmas together. However it’s also the fi rst
Christmas where her ex-husband was not invited to come on Christmas
morning to open gifts with his and Jenny’s children. Even when they
were separated, he was included for the children’s sake. Jenny felt it
was too awkward this fi rst Christmas with her new partner and suggested
her children open gifts at her house, then go to their father’s
house to open gifts a second time. The surprise came when the kids
returned and said they had invited their father over later for Christmas
dinner. Jenny asked her new man how he felt about it. He hesitated,
laughed and then generously said it was okay if it would make the kids
happy. So in the end a compromise was made which took into account
everyone’s feelings, though Jenny said she felt awkward at the meal
and was glad when it was all over.
While Steve was waiting for his kids at their mom’s house for his
weekend with them, his ex-wife came out and indicated that she
was getting remarried. “You will really like Tim,” she said, “and the
kids seem to like him too. I think he will make a great stepfather for
them.” Steve was not too sure he liked any part of the idea. It was
weird enough to be thinking of his ex-wife married to another guy.
But what troubled him even more was the idea that there would be
a new father figure in the life of his kids. He didn’t like the thought
of having another man in competition with him for the affection of
his children.
I will soon be a non-custodial Mother, by choice. We are choosing to
have as little disruption as possible to the kids, and by doing things
this way, they will be able to remain in the only home and school
they have ever known. We have a beautiful home, and thanks to the
economy, this home is now worth $32,000 less than what we paid for
it 10 years ago. There are houses on our street that have been on the
market for almost 2 years. We would lose our shirts even if we did
manage to sell, which is highly unlikely. My husband makes a very
nice living. I did not go to college and have been a stay at home Mom
for 9 years, so my earning potential is weak compared to his. There
is no way I could stay here. With what he would need to pay me in
support and to keep this house afl oat, he would have nothing left to
get himself even a halfway decent place. I will be buying a townhome
in the area with money from the divorce settlement. The kids will be
with me almost as much as they are with him. This was an extremely
hard decision, but I feel that it is best for the kids. They have a great
relationship with both of us. But, I am just waiting for the criticism
and the dirty looks once I tell people.
To my son: I hope you understand when you’re older. Why your dad
has maybe grown colder. You’re so young, too young to understand. I
ask you if you have any questions about us. You always say something
cute, so maybe it’s too early. That’s ok. I want you to be a little boy, for
as long as I can have you that way. I want you to know I never wanted
this. Also, that you were the best thing that could have ever happened
to me. You gave me a reason to get up every day, and live. You still are
that reason. Sometimes you may think that I am a little strict with you.
Sometimes my patience is a little thin. I wasn’t always like this Jake.
I’ve just been through some rough times lately. Not having you and
your mother in my life daily was tougher on me than anyone knows. I
always tried not to show that to you. I didn’t want to scare you. I want
you to know that you were not the reason your mother and I stopped
living together. In fact, you may be the only reason we were together
as long as we were. But I love you both, with all my heart. There is
nothing in this world that I care about more than the two of you. But
you Jacob – You’re my Robin. After all life’s done to me and all I’ve been
through, you are the youthful innocence and wide-eyed wonder that
I lost a long time ago. That’s why Batman always had a Robin. Just to
remind him. Your absent Dad.
Apparently the child needs $40 shoes. Naturally, these shoes will become
obsolete in a matter of months as the child outgrows them. I have
never understood why any parent would choose expensive apparel for
a child. It is foolish to pay so much money for such little utility. Yet, the
ex is of the belief that her child needs lavish things, and now we owe
her $20. My miserly ways are livid with this obligation; however, my
husband committed to pay half prior to the purchase. Next time the
child needs new shoes, we shall buy them.
I stood up for myself only once to the ex. It’s not that I’m against standing
up for myself, but I do pick my battles. Plus, I choose not to be around
her when I can. She’s just cantankerous, and I fi nd that annoying.
My husband and I attended the middle school parent/teacher conference.
It was fall, and we opted to go together and split up the eight
classes so that we could see all of the instructors. I recall my parents
doing this same thing, and it worked well for them. We arrived fi rst
to the school. Unsure of what the ex’s plans were, we made our plans.
There was nothing preventing her from seeing the instructors on her
own. Divorced parents do that all the time and teachers are accustomed
to dealing with this. I believe we were there for only a few minutes,
and the ex came storming in.
I didn’t expect her to immediately call my stepchild after parent/
teacher conference and tell them how I was mean to her. How we got
into a fi ght, and I was mean. Naturally, the stepchild took her side and
wanted to discuss it in great detail with his father. One day my stepchild
and I will discuss this, but I am purposefully waiting until adulthood.
I should also remind you that my stepchild takes their mother’s side
in everything. It’s their dad’s fault for everything wrong in the marriage
and pending divorce with their mother. It’s the public school’s fault their
mother was bored in high school and almost didn’t graduate. It’s the fault
of their mother’s past bosses that she has been laid off multiple times.
It must suck to be her with everyone burdening her life so. *sarcasm*
These comments portray the complexity and diffi culty found in relationships
wherein ex-spouses and stepchildren are involved. These comments
and others like it demonstrate the animosity that can mount in these relationships.
As the confl ict continues to brew, the children become further
entrenched and, ultimately, they are the ones most negatively affected.
Blog ArchiveCopyright © 2019 HomeworkMarket.com Read More
Applied SciencesArchitecture and DesignBiologyBusiness & FinanceChemistryComputer ScienceGeographyGeologyEducationEngineeringEnglishEnvironmental scienceSpanishGovernmentHistoryHuman Resource ManagementInformation SystemsLawLiteratureMathematicsNursingPhysicsPolitical SciencePsychologyReadingScienceSocial Science