Marriage and Family
Please put the question or section name above each paragraph.
For this assignment, imagine you’ve been invited to speak on a podcast designed to educate new Marriage and Family Therapists. They are having a special episode devoted to couple therapy interventions for infidelity. Specifically, they’ve asked you to come on the show to discuss how to use EFT to treat infidelity. Please write lines of yourself discussing how to use emotionally focused therapy that includes the following:
· Provide tips on how to implement EFT for infidelity. Consider how you would integrate the model with the recommendations for infidelity treatment outlined by the resources provided this week Lusterman (please see the below text).
· Give one mock case example of how you would implement an EFT intervention for infidelity.
Length: 2 pages not including cover page and reference page.
References: Include a minimum of 1 (Lusterman) Lusterman, D. D. (2005). Infidelity: Theory and treatment. In Harway, M. (Ed.), Handbook of Couples Therapy. Hoboken, US: John Wiley & Sons, Incorp…
The three phases of the work are clearly outlined, so that the couple has some sense of the task ahead. It is important to make clear that this work is not a promise that the marriage will be saved. Rather, it is a time to explore change. I define a successful outcome as either a better marriage or a better divorce. The process of moderating the discoverer’s hurt and anger to usable proportions is difficult for both the couple and the therapist, because it generates high levels of anxiety. The system that includes the discovered and the discoverer is by its nature tension-filled. Developing theory around “expressed emotion” (EE) is helpful in conceptualizing treatment in this phase. Although the concept was originally explored in the context of the systemic aspects of schizophrenia, research now indicates that it is relevant to many other systemic issues, including diabetes (Liakopoulou et al., 2000), children’s behavioral problems (Lam, Giles, & Lavander, 2003), and affective illness (Coiro & Gottesman, 1996). An understanding of the EE phenomenon and its relevance to infidelity-related PTSD is often an important psychoeducational aspect of treatment. Discoverers almost invariably go through at least a period of very high EE, even if it has never been part of their personality structure. Some discovered partners are also very high in EE. Discoverers must learn to express rather than emote their feelings. For this reason, is not unusual for Phase 1 to be the most lengthy element of treatment. Periods of trust often increase feelings of vulnerability, so that the conclusion of a good week may at first be a predictor of a period of increased hypervigilance on the part of the discoverer. The discovered person, often still suffering his or her own guilt (and sometimes depression due to the loss of the affair partner) requires therapeutic support so that he or she can provide the emotional support that the discoverer requires. As mentioned earlier, Phase 1 issues often reappear as the two other phases are entered. P HASE 2: E XAMINATION OF P REDISPOSING F ACTORS This work is familiar to any systems-oriented therapist. A review of courtship and marriage, with particular attention to conflicts and how they were (or were not) resolved is important, as is a review of issues involving the family of origin. It is not unusual for couples in which there has been an affair to report that there were no conflicts. Careful examination usually reveals that each member of the couple had thoughts and feelings about important issues, but that these were never revealed, and therefore, never resolved. Often, it is impossible to help the couple discover and process these issues until family-of-origin issues are explored. For example, one couple reported that the events surrounding their wedding and its planning had gone very well. It was only as the wife
RESTORING TRUST IN COUPLES The initial trauma of betrayal of trust is explored. The discovered partner is encouraged to validate and support the discoverer. The three phases of the work are clearly outlined, so that the couple has some sense of the task ahead. It is important to make clear that this work is not a promise that the marriage will be saved. Rather, it is a time to explore change. I define a successful outcome as either a better marriage or a better divorce. The process of moderating the discoverer’s hurt and anger to usable proportions is difficult for both the couple and the therapist, because it generates high levels of anxiety. The system that includes the discovered and the discoverer is by its nature tension-filled. Developing theory around “expressed emotion” (EE) is helpful in conceptualizing treatment in this phase. Although the concept was originally explored in the context of the systemic aspects of schizophrenia, research now indicates that it is relevant to many other systemic issues, including diabetes (Liakopoulou et al., 2000), children’s behavioral problems (Lam, Giles, & Lavander, 2003), and affective illness (Coiro & Gottesman, 1996). An understanding of the EE phenomenon and its relevance to infidelity-related PTSD is often an important psychoeducational aspect of treatment. Discoverers almost invariably go through at least a period of very high EE, even if it has never been part of their personality structure. Some discovered partners are also very high in EE. Discoverers must learn to express rather than emote their feelings. For this reason, is not unusual for Phase 1 to be the most lengthy element of treatment. Periods of trust often increase feelings of vulnerability, so that the conclusion of a good week may at first be a predictor of a period of increased hypervigilance on the part of the discoverer. The discovered person, often still suffering his or her own guilt (and sometimes depression due to the loss of the affair partner) requires therapeutic support so that he or she can provide the emotional support that the discoverer requires. As mentioned earlier, Phase 1 issues often reappear as the two other phases are entered.
P HASE 2: E XAMINATION OF P REDISPOSING F ACTORS This work is familiar to any systems-oriented therapist. A review of courtship and marriage, with particular attention to conflicts and how they were (or were not) resolved is important, as is a review of issues involving the family of origin. It is not unusual for couples in which there has been an affair to report that there were no conflicts. Careful examination usually reveals that each member of the couple had thoughts and feelings about important issues, but that these were never revealed, and therefore, never resolved. Often, it is impossible to help the couple discover and process these issues until family-of-origin issues are explored. For example, one couple reported that the events surrounding their wedding and its planning had gone very well. It was only as the wife
Infidelity: Theory and Treatment 349 described her family of origin, and her mother’s hypercritical behavior, that it became evident that her mother had strongly opposed the wedding. Her husband was unaware that his fiancée had been under such pressure. This difficulty in self-disclosure is often a significant precursor of infidelity. Because couples dealing with infidelity are often exquisitely aware of the possibility of being blamed, it is important that the patients not feel that the therapist’s choice of which family of origin to begin with implies therapeutic finger pointing. One way to avoid this worry is through the use of gentle humor. It is my practice, for example, to ask the couple to toss a coin when I am ready to explore these issues. As this exploration continues, the theme of poor self-disclosure tends to become more apparent, and issues that have lain dormant, often for years, now find a context for a safe exploration. It is important to remember that Phase 1 issues are often triggered by issues that are discussed in Phase 2. The therapist should be strongly aware of this possibility. If there is not sufficient therapeutic flexibility during this phase, the couple may terminate prematurely. P HASE 3: R APPROCHEMENT The couple is reminded that the purpose of the work has been change and that the object of therapy has been the possibility of moving toward a better marriage or a better divorce. By now, it is hoped, the blaming that characterizes Phase 1 has subsided, and the couple has come to understand the factors that predisposed the couple to a possible infidelity. The issue of Phase 3 is to improve their self-disclosure and problem-solving skills. With a clearer understanding of the issues that have complicated their marriage, they are now able to consider whether they can develop a more satisfying marriage, or need to consider the possibility of a good divorce. The advantages of a better marriage are obvious. A better divorce creates the groundwork for good coparenting and may help each member of the couple to make better decisions about future relationships, both in the matter of partner choice and personal conduct. S U M M A RY A major focus of this chapter has been the traumatic reaction that almost invariably follows the discovery of infidelity. Therapists who do not respect and honor this reaction, but treat it instead as a form of pathology, may cause great harm to both parties. Unfaithful partners almost never had the intention of harming their marital partner. For this reason, knowing that they can help to begin the process of healing is often as important to unfaithful partners as it is to their discoverers. If the couple begins a mutual act of healing, there is little reason to believe that they will not then undertake a cooperative reexamination of their marriage.