Let’s follow the example of Gregory Oster and give some bad advice for aspiring essay writers. And at the same time, we will analyze the typical mistakes of the authors.
The lyrics capture the reader. It will be very interesting for him to know how you came to life, how beautiful the sunset is in your small homeland, how great it is that you came to the Golden-domed, how you enjoyed the ringing of bells before taking up the pen. More old epithets, more metaphors and comparisons – this will surely be appreciated. If they figure it out.
The bigger the intro, the better
Be sure to tell the reader about your life, about who your parents and grandparents were, about what pushed you to the topic of the essay. The introduction, which takes half a text, will certainly intrigue the reader.
Don’t be specific. Common words are your everything!
And in general, you need more water and stamps. Talk about how important it is that you went to study specifically as a teacher, translator, engineer, manager, in what wonderful place your university, office or city is located, how great it is if wars end all over the world. Are they being asked to write about what you would like to change in your university? Be sure to talk about teacher training and salary increases, new renovations or deepening of the curriculum. Do not give any specific names or facts.
Don’t know how to make an elephant out of a pug? Go from the opposite – fill your essay with facts. Surnames, dates, names of studies, their results, city and world news – everything will work. Your reader will certainly be amazed at your erudition and ability to work with information. Keep your conclusions short – you are writing for academics who themselves are able to find logic and summarize.
The longer the essay sentences, the smarter the author looks
Remember the classics and their half page sentences? After all, you can do that too – everyone went through the syntax at school, and after a little practice it is quite easy to use participial and adverbial phrases. Use as many smart and simply long words as possible, build large and wordy sentences. This will make you very smart in the eyes of the reader. The reader will simply be scared after the first paragraph and will close your essay, disappointed in their own intelligence.
Never, under any circumstances on an essay, reread your text.
You didn’t write for yourself, but for others, so let these others read your essay and admire your talent. It doesn’t matter how many “fleas” the reader will catch in your text, and how logical the presentation seems to him. You are a talent with no need for proofreading and editing. And the point.
Follow these tips and you will have the option to compose the most “splendid” essay. Maybe they will even be kept as a token.
You do not want?
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